Have you ever been scared to go to church because you thought “what if these people and the pastor can see through me? What if they can sense my strongholds , what if they can read my mind, what if they know who I really am”?… I have!!! LOTS OF TIMES!!!
Back in the day (2003), at my worst, I was a drug addict, a liar, a thief, a manipulator, a deceiver, and anything else bad that you can think of, all dressed up with pretty bow. I dressed the part on the outside, but my insides were in turmoil. I hated who I had become but I didn't know how to find my way back.
I smiled and laughed as I continued to bury my pain and when it would resurface, I'd just take a few pills to make it go away. It was a tiring, vicious cycle that SO many people live in, especially with how the world is today!! People will do what they must in order to survive. They might not have the same DOC (drug of choice) but there's a lot of people hiding behind their pain.
My luck of hiding would eventually run out (as it usually does) and the truth came out with glaring red flags! Ya see, you can only hide behind yourself for so long before glimpses of truth start to penetrate the façade!!
Light will always find its way into dark painful places!! And when it does, it will reveal everything you've been hiding. It doesn't always get revealed to the world, but it WILL come with a very rude awakening. And THAT'S when we start to align with our true being.
When we live in secret places we create our very own internal hell and we feel like we are all alone. And essentially that's the goal so that nobody can see who you actually are!! We are overcome with shame, guilt, loneliness and fear of what other people may think if they found out. And that alone causes us to suppress our true identity! We may suffer from depression, low self worth, and lack of intimacy in relationships because we feel like our truth and our own desires aren't good enough.
That's what darkness wants... it wants us to feel like we ARE no-one and that we HAVE no-one!!! Because the more isolated we are, the weaker we become!!
When we are weak, we feel unworthy and when we feel unworthy, we retreat. When we retreat, our light goes dim making us isolate even more... so on and so forth.
For so many years, I lived like that! I was afraid to even go out of the house without makeup on because I feared someone would confuse my 'looking like crap' with me being back on drugs! It controlled me! And honestly, I battled this lie until THIS YEAR!!! And I STILLLLL STRUGGLE some days!!
Here’s the thing. When we live with intention and we KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that we are living a good and RIGHT life, that instills a power inside of you that nobody can take away!!!! Don’t get it twisted, that doesn’t mean you're perfect or that you don’t fail and make mistakes!!!! It just means that when you doooo, you forgive yourself quickly and you wear that grace like a crown!!!!
When you live in your truth you become unapologetic and unafraid of what people think!! Because you know that what they see is what they get and with that, you know that what's on the inside matches the outside!!! You’re authentic!!
Authentic living requires us to embrace the reality of our freedom but also be responsible for how we choose to live! This literally puts the power of your life back into your own hands!!!
Have authority over yourself and put boundaries around anything that feels like it's people pleasing!!! Remove anything that makes you question your own morals and values. Admit your flaws and practice every single day overcoming them!!! And learn what self compassion is!! Start to understand you're not perfect, but nobody ever asked you to be! Figure out what your passions are and start making a pact with yourself to move closer to those things that make you feel alive!!!
When you do that it creates a sense of KNOWING in your spirit that nobody can take way!!
THERES POWER IN THAT!!
And remember, you may not be where you wanna be, but you surrrre aren’t where you used to be.... keep striving for the stars babies and you WILL get there in due time!!!
❤ILY