WHEN LOVE GOES UNRETURNED

There's a special kind of sadness in giving someone all your love, admiration and effort, only to realize they can't reciprocate. It's not just about romance, it happens in friendships, family, even with people we look up to! You pour yourself out, hoping for even a little bit in return, but all you get is silence, indifference or at best, lukewarm appreciation.

At first, you tell yourself it's fine. Love should be selfless, right!?? You don't give to people in order to receive something back. But after a while, it starts to hurt!! You wonder why you weren't enough, why they couldn't see your worth, why they so easily took what YOU offered them without ever thinking for a second to give back. And that's where the real heartbreak is... not just in the absence of love, but in the realization that they never even thought about what you needed!!!

It's a lonely place to be, loving someone who doesn't love you back. It makes you question yourself! It makes you wonder if you're too much, or worse, NOT ENOUGH!! But the truth is, it's not always about you. Some people are just takers. Some don't know what they have until it's gone. And some, well, they simply don't have the capacity to love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Maybe they do love you with everything they have, but they just don't have the capacity to show it. Not everyone is capable of giving back with the same veracity as you. It's not always intentional, and it's not always about you. Maybe they grew up in environments where love was conditional, or where affection was withheld or where they were never shown how to express care in a meaningful way!! They might admire you, or even appreciate you, but they don't know how to translate that into actions that make you feel valued. That is for THEM to heal, learn and grow!

Then there are those who are emotionally unavailable. They might be caught up in their own struggles, fears and/or past wounds. They keep you at arm's length either because they're afraid of intimacy or because they don't want to put in the effort. They don't have a willingness to meet you where you are. Some of them don't even have a willingness to meet themselves where THEY are!!

The hardest part is realizing that no amount of love and respect given on your end can change how someone else treats you and shows up for you!! You can't teach someone how to love you if they're NOT WILLING TO LEARN!! You can't force someone to meet your needs if they're not capable or interested in doing so. And you shouldn't have to beg for the bare minimum!

At some point, you have to accept that not everyone can love you the way you need and that's not a reflection of your worth. The right people WILL make the effort, not because you asked them to, but because they want to!!

So what do you do!? Well, you let them go!! You stop emptying your cup to those who can't/or DON'T reciprocate!! You stop trying to make the blind to see!!! Grieve the loss you feel, because it is a loss. And then remind yourself that love--REAL LOVE--the kind of love the bible speaks about, should make you feel strong, encouraged, valued, and determined (not neglected, used, empty, undervalued and/or sad). The right people will give back! And when I say the RIGHT PEOPLE, I mean the ones who are willing to dig in and be present and learn and grow with you. When love is done correctly you will never have to question where you stand!!

I know it sounds lame, but be your own best friend and love yourself well! Let that little voice in your head that speaks to you continuously anyway, become the positive influence that leads you back to wholeness!! Trust that somewhere out there, the kind of love you give so freely to others WILL find it's way back to you!! Whole, real and without question!!

ILY❤